Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
