Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize