I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
