Where is the hickey?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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