I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
