Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
