So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
