Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MIDGETS
????
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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