I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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