I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
