That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
