Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
