census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
