peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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