bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize