i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize