Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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