just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
