i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
