yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
