Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize