you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
