new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
