I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
