The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
