he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
