You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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