apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
