I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
