he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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