saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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