I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
