girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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