weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
