can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
