u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
