is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
