Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
