I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
