is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
