I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize