she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
