I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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