its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
