There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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