Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
should my penis look like a turkey
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is the high leading the old right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
