do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I puked a lego.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
