I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
