Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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