So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
