Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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