So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
