Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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