i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The adults are the big ones right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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