I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
