I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
