even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
