So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
