I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
