If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
