your parents love me but you hate me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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