You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
