I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
