How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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