forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
