i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
