But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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