I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize