6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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