That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize