I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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