They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
