Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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