fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
