just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
