Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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