Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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