I've blown a few things in my day
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
