Don't you send me to vm
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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