he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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