I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
