You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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