Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
