Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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