Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there was a trapeze. enough said
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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