Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is wine microwaveable?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
