Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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