People in love make me want to vomit
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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