i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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