my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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