I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
