My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
