I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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