is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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