I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
