You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize