Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
