is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
