She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
