come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
