i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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