The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
